Chouchou 

Fetishes equates to Bondage?

Hmm....

Too much exposure to the Western Media will actually draw your mind frame to think that Fetishes are bonded tightly with kinky sex, bondage foreplays and Candle drips..

Well .. yah . in a way, its partly correct. And that is the usual broadly understood meaning.
But Fetishes can also be formed out of an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion without any sexual connotations.
Its true, I dun bluff wan..... Wah kauZZ !!! I can feel the heads shaking. But please read on.

Now, this blog today serves to defunct all previous myths that fetishes are just and only limited to sex. And I believe I am not alone.

I have this particular interesting fetish. Not that I am very proud of. But you see, some things are carried over from childhood. And they can really proved tough to eradicate. Luckily, my fetish is not a sin. Else I will be confessing everyday.

Btw hor, if you are 16 and below, I strongly suggest you switch to google.com now, immediately now. And type in the words, "pure, innocent, naive" and just spend the next hour reading all that is churned out from the search engine for you. Its better mental food for you. I wouldnt want any motherly auntie to come to me and scold me, " Ehh!!! Why you teach my daughter this 'dirty' thing? "

But if you are above 16, you may continue reading.

Okay for those of you, who are in your 20s or early 30s now, you must probably remember a time when you are a small kid, and you sleep in a very very cosy little kiddy bed, that you dun mind not changing the bedsheets for months, and that you like to snug into, especially during rainy days.

But I bet, there's probably still some fond memories of a particular childhood companion that you will secretly reminisce, even into your adulthood.

And that is none other than your "Chou Chou". For some of us, our "Chou Chou" is our little small toddler pillow. For some of us, our "Chou Chou" is our little small toddler bolster, that has to be ritualistically hugged by you every night before you go to sleep. For others, their "Chou Chou" is their rug blanket or a particular soft toy.

But why the name "Chou Chou"? Because the more you do not wash them, the more soft they become, the more cuddly they become, the more cosy and warm they become, and best of all, the more smelly they become. And the best part to disgest, some of us actually savour and drool at the thought of smelling it just before we sleep, and the more smelly it gets, the more kick and satisfaction we derived.

Btw, for those of you who are chinese illiterate, "Chou Chou" means "smelly smelly" in Chinese.
So here I here i am confessing my "Chou Chou" to the public.

My "Chou Chou" is my little pillow who has been with me since I was in Primary School.
Hmmm I am married now, and part of my pre-natal agreement with my wife was to make her agree that when we stay together, the "Chou Chou" must come along.

Needless to say, she did put up a violent protest.
"How can you bring that dirty thing and put it alongside our beautiful newly bought pillows and bed linen?"

Wah kauZZ !!!

But hey, I won the arguement in the end. Because I too have brains.
I ransomed her with a blackmail. And You wanna know what is it ?

hahaha......She too has a "Chou Chou".

"if you aint going to accept my "Chou Chou", neither am i going to give your "Chou Chou" any face. And I am going to expose your "Chou Chou" to your closest friends"

immediately, realising she has lost her ground, the white flag flies patriotically.

So here I am, 30 years of age, and gloating with self inflicted proudness of having won the battle,
lay down on my bed and start to smell my "Chou Chou" ferociously, like a heroin drug addict would do every time he needs a quick fix. And which I shamelessly continue to do for the rest of my marriage. Successfully bridging seamlessly, childhood into adult marriage life. Sometimes, my wife even has to wrestle with my "Chou Chou" for attention from me in our bedtime moments.
Ah ha!

Okay that ends the blog here.

te dum, te do......te te dum dum.....te te do....

Should I or should I not? My mind is contemplating.....
Temptation is really a power force.

okay lah, there is really a part two to the fetish.
I actually have an affair behind my wife's back.
The third party is none other than my famous "Chou Chou"

And everynight with fail, I would seriously enjoy some great moment with my "Chou Chou".
The only sad thing, is that its not sex, and does not have the capacity to reach orgasm.

How to achieve this fetish affair? Btw, here onwards is really R21 category liao hor.

If you are still interested to read on, Follow me.

You know that every bolster casing has two ends with one cotton string each which you can tighten to fasten the two ends to contain the bolster right?

What I do is, I will fasten it with a dead knot just at the base of each cotton string, and the end product is a bolster with two cotton string loops at each end.

Then I cut one side of one cotton string jus above the dead knot. And you get a bolster with a loop at one end, and a dead knot on the other end with a dangling cotton string..

haha. The fetish here is that every night before I sleep, I will twirl the dangling cotton string, until its end forms a very pointed tip. And then I will skillfully manourvre it into my ear hole. and ecstasy will suddenly explode as i continue to twirl it all the way in ( very much the same way one uses the ear cotton bud). And as I twirl it in, wah, I slipped in a trance mode, oblivious to the surrounding and I continue to twirl .....and will continue in that trance state in physical satisfaction and enjoyment, until my wife reminded me, "Hey!! you prefer your fetish more than me, issit?"

To be frank, sometimes, I am really damned reluctant to snap out of that luxurious state

You guys should really try it.
Really damned shiok wan!! And I can't be more serious

And you know what?
My wife has became a convert now.
And everynight now, she will beg me to perform that manourvre on her.

Ha!!! I became an evangelist for my fetish.

OKay....before you continue to shake your head with a disapproving glance........I am sure you are guilty of some fetishes in your life too.

Are you those who like to roll their fingers on pointed ends of soft fabric?
Or do you like to roll your finger tips on blunt pointed metal edges like a Fork?
Not me, but All are true stories....

Wah Kauz!!! Believe me! We are all guilty of our own little festishes.

The Tea Expert

Experts are people who claim they know more about certain things, or thats what they think. Wah KAuZZ!!!

So this blog is dedicated to my best friend.
But as you know, the internet is full of lurkers, especially those into sadistic sexual manourvres, paedophilles and those into professional stalking, therefore to protect my friend, I shall name him JJ here.

Can't imagine my best friend JJ being sodomised by a zealous sexual online bigot, after reading my posting here. Wah KAuZZ!!! I pity the person who is going to sodomise JJ. The Bigot Sure to cry in regret after the act.

Okay. Back to the Tea Expert conspiracy.

You see. JJ has been my best friend for close to .... lets count (and learn Malay too Yah!!)
Satu, Dua, Tiga, Empat, Lima, Enam, Tujuh, Lapan, Sembilan, Sepuluh Dan Sebelas....
A whopping 11 years!!!

Many great Memories hor. Not those kind of say bye bye kinda friend.
But those that you carry into your grave with brotherly memories.

Back then, JJ and I attended a Junior College together. Circumstantially, our friendship grew because we stayed in the same area and traveled on the same SBS number 5 bus to JC.

Our friendship was certainly an alloy bond. But hor one thing really irks me.
And that he is always so boastful. Notice the tense used here. Cos he still is boastful till this day. Really tak boleh tahan him.
Everything we came across, he sure got some uninvited expert advice to add on to that thing.
Machiam like the rest of us study in school and learn only how to score zeros on our report cards.

Now, this yaya papaya of expert friend of mine really malu one big day.

There was this day, when JJ came to my house, and as usual, the moment he stepped into my house,
he will started to give his extra, really extra expert comment on this and that. That sometimes, you really feel like bitching at him and asking him to Shut the FaRK up!!!! Wah Kauz!!!!

"Bro, you know your encyclopedia, this one. I finished reading it last time liao. You got any question, just ask me. You no need to read. I know all the answer liao."

"Yes Bro, you are smart" I replied in a nonchalent manner.

He then looked around sheepishly.

"Hey, Can I use your toilet?"

"Ten Cents per entry", I said in irritation. "And another 2o cents if you want tissue paper, its market rate."

He looked disbelievingly at me. Then I said, "For you, special discount. Packaged Deal total 10 cts. GO Lah Go lah. Joking only"

Now, in the kitchen of my house, on the table, laid a box container with a BIg Big BIG label, with the Chinese Word there, "TEA".

Catch here is that container belonged to my mother, and she always likes to reuse containers for other purposes .

JJ, without fail, grabbed the given chance to don his expert hat again.

"You know, I am quite good at assessing the quality of tea. I do have some indepth study into the savouring of tea, one taste and i can tell you the quality. Why dun you help me brew one cup, while i go to the toilet"

I took one look into the container, knew what was inside then and scouped up one teaspoon into a cup and poured hot water into it. No sugar nor milk added.

JJ came out, And I mischievously offered the drink to him.

With dignified and expertly aura, he took one sip. And rhythms his head in typical chinese way for showing appreciation of good tea.

"This is good tea, really I have never drank anything so nice before. The aroma, the texture, all point towards the best of tea leaves. So, what is the name of this tea?"

For lack of an actual name for that beverage, my brain raced to give me an acceptable reply to him.

"Its err,........errr.............Wu Long......err...... Tey Guan Ying.......... err....oh,
its Called Wu Long Tey Guan Ying , and errr...oh yes....... my mother was the one who bought it"

"Thats strange, I have heard of Wu Long Tea before, and Tey Guan Ying tea before. But this is the first time, I have savoured such a Tea by the name of Wu Long Tey Guan Ying."

At this fateful juncture, my mother came into the kitchen, about to prepare dinner for the family.

"Auntie, this tea from that box container is really superior tea. You really know where to buy such good tea. Must learn from you leh. Where you go to buy such good tea?"

My mother took a bewildered look at him, " Re wu siao bo? That container is used to put MILO." (Are you nuts? that container is used to put MILO)


Can you imagine the Expert's embarrassed REd face? WAh Kauzzz!!!!
haha. Mission Accomplished.

>

Big Car ...biG dEal !

SUV - Super Ugly Vehicle.

Okay to qualify my posting, I am not sipping sour grapes at this moment.
Anyway, my wife regularly purges the fridge of any expired food.
So no fremented grapes to even land in my hands, let alone venture into my mouth.

All right, back to the bashing of SUVs.
Have you ever stopped at a redlight, and encountered an over sized, monstrous
and Yes Super Ugly looking Vehicle cruising down to your left side and stopping.

Together with you, he waits for the light to turn green.

And then he turns to the side, tilts his specs lower, looks over his specs and noticed that you are driving a lesser vehicle. Then he turns back and puts on a air of self importance...
2500 cc versus 1500 cc.

Si Chow Botak head!!!

Wah, your pride then takes a back seat. Whimper whimper...whine whine whine

Then he goes on to rub more salt into your shattered ego. Wah Kauz...!!!
By rev-ing his neutral, stationary metal machine, until the roaring sound overwhelms the music on your car radio.

Wah Kauz!!!! drive small vehicle is sin meh?? big Car Need to show off until like that meh?

Must big Car yah yah until like that?

Engine powerful must show off until like that meh?
scared no one knows you got sibay alot of money to burn issit? Wah kauz!!!

Mai hor nin bay tui teo your car later..( dun let me overtake your car later).

Light turns green.

Smoke trails follows.

Small Vehicle only reach 20km/hr on first gear.

SUV missing liao.

Ouch!

Big Car really big deal lor. Wah Kauz!!!!

Ego dented.

No handy plaster big enough to patch it.

I vowed from that day onwards to buy within my budget a bigger vehicle to beat that stupid SUV.

Nissan Lorry. I did managed to find and eat the sour grapes afterall.
.

Who's sucking? Your Car or Oil Companies?

Wah piang!!!

It went up again, this time round to $1.01. Really Kanina!!

"Uncle, really susa leh. 3 days 2 nights, suka suka increase the diesel prices.
your company (Sierra Papa Charlie) really think that we the commoners really got a lot of money to burn is it? If this goes on, nin bay chim ah si bo lui liao leh. (I really will have no money already) Chak Lo Ti liao. (eat bread already) "

"Bo Pian lah, Brother. Cheng hoo i k gay (gahment want to up the price), also bopian mah. You bay siong also bo pian. Your Van can drink water meh? Lan lan lah.....
Eh! Re ah par u mai? Mai par siam zhi be. Ow bay chin jui lang hor. "
( you want to pump or not? if not, go one side. Behind a lot of people waiting)

Okay lor, what to do?
Pump diesel lor. The wallet is unwilling, but hey, can't feed my Kangoo Van with H20 right?

Wah KAuz!!!! Really hor, Knn.......
Coffee Shop Statistics have shown that petrol has increased in price within a short period of 1 year by more than 50% and diesel by 100%. You go and ask any ah pek in coffeeshop, and you know its the true. But they all say must diam diam, cannot speak too loud, cos wait hor, the ISA buggies are around you, they might overhear you complain and then they secretly ask Horsing Board Deepvelupment to seize back the flat that they are renting to you for 99 years (but which you naively think you owned).

Klasstoot leaders will then tell you, market forces of demand and supply at work leh.... so got to live with it for a while, cos CaR-SHIT-NO will be coming to provide you jobs so next time, you will have money to pay for today's high petrol prices. Ah!!! Sounds logical leh!!!! But hey WAh KAuz!!!! Cheng Hoo pulling a fast one again. CaR-SHIT-NO is 5 years down the Road leh.... Nearly kana conned. WAh KAuz!!!!

Then hor, pump attendant (Mal people) come over and ya ya to me.

"Come to my land lah, across a small bridge. Cheap Cheap Diesel and Petrol. "

"How much?"

"Sama Sama Sini" (same like here)

"Then no difference mah!!! Anda, dun waste my time leh."

"Kawan, Lingit.....lah, Tak Stinkapor dollar. Sama figure, tapi different currency lah"
( Friend, Lingit lah, not Stinkapor dollar. Same in dollar value, but different in currency lah)

"Wah Kauz!!!!! 1 Stinkapor dollar = $2.30 Lingit..... Half price......
Our Gahment import Diesel and petrol from Mars issit? So expensive!!!!
WAh Kauz!!! here more expensive than Mal by 1 times."

"Kawan Shoo. Quiet. ISA people around here hor. Dun suka suka cow bay cow bu. You see that transvestite standing at the corner of this petrol station. Could be ISA guy in disguise... better be careful. Mah hai si wa leh!!! Even that dog peeing by the corner, you must be careful"

So grumbling, I went into the petrol station to pay my dues to the Overlord.

"Aunty, how much?"

"Sir, would you want to try some of these new bread?"

"Aunty, your company suck so much money, you think I got extra money to anyhow buy things promoted by your active selling tactics? got discount machiam like no discount"

"Sir, next time, bo lui mai o lang buy car." (Sir, next time, no money, dun follow people buy car)

WAh Kauzz!!!!