Phua Van will always be a Phua Van.
(Low Class Vehicle will always be a Low Class Vehicle)
Recently, our local gahment seems to have gone bonkers (or so it seems on the wry surface), where breasts exposed in public used to be a hush hush thing, too taboo to be even talked about, is now the hype of the town. Oh Yeah, artistic breasts soon to slush, and jug its way into the self professed Art Scene in our little Neh-sion. But hold on a second, with distaste on our lips,” What Art Scene?” Perhaps pathetic is a really appropriate word at this juncture. Fellow brethren of the Neh-sion I lived in will probably relate better to the pathetic attempts by our local gahment to mimic and try to catch up to be on par with the international Art Scene. It’s like trying to pass off a lousy SWATCH watch as a ROLEX.
Anyway, still we are obligated to give applauses to their attempt. Must give, lor. Scholastic People of the PAPish system really do try hard lor. These people really got give their unappreciated best lah.
So let’s swoosh our minds back to the breasts. Tender, bouncy and yes Artistic….
Artistic is the word designed to describe the latest Entertainment in Town, to mask and hide the fundamental truth that it is pornography in base form…..
Yes, the Crazy Horse Cabaret is coming here all the way from Paris…. All the Caucasian women will be here to wiggle their breasts, and tout their taut bodies in front of a captivating audience….opps.. or rather, an audience there to be captivated by the performers’ breast. Or rather in the real true, an audience to glimpse at nipples which is a rare sight in a not-so-much freedom Neh-sion.
You must understand that Our Neh-sion is a sexually deprived Neh-sion.
You can be charged and jailed for possessing even a stupid PLAYBOY magazine.
The slightest cleavage one can glimpse can set a citizen’s libido on flames, that it sometimes self consume the peeping Tom……
And Sighted Nipples underneath shirts without bras, are always the hot pressed topics of the day. Someday, I must really think of a way to convert this interesting phenomenon into a concept for advertising revenue ( but seriously, what’s the big deal about wearing a tee shirt with out a bra)
Anyway, True Story, and no joke okay…….
And dun even think about chewing gum in this Neh-sion… cos you could end chewing the bars in the gallows. And these are metallic in nature.
And So This is the Neh-sion at the Southern part of Asia.
Liberalization is Yahoo, to some.
Bane to others……. Pastor, Taoist Priest, Hindu Priest, Buddhist Monks….. inclusive.
Anyway, I am not interested in that show….. and will not elaborate on moral, religious ground, or political field….lest, I end up either being crucified, burnt, or having oil from hell poured on me. Somehow, all religions have their individual grotesque way of punishing dissidents. Which is your preference?
All right, snapping back. Was jus trying to show the correlation to the interesting phenomenon that our Neh-sion is in a transition stage, where some folks benefit, and some loathe the changes.
Well, keeping A Cup, B Cup, C Cup and D Cup breasts aside, I for sure, certainly did benefit from the relaxation attitude taken by our local gahment.
The Spillover effort is great. Suddenly overnight, what previously if done by you considered treason is now something which will not end you up in prison. Okay, I exaggerated, yes I bullshit about treason….
Tap!
Tap!
Tap!
**** Silence Please!...I am roaming my eyes around China Town Point, where I am now…And I see ISA man walking**** It’s a gifting I have**** and please dun pour your jealousy of my gifting all over me****
**** ISA guys looming around **** so must change track now to Kangoo ****I will come back to the earlier flow of tots later****
You see, for 2 years, I have been driving a Kangoo……
Albeit it’s the Van version, its good transport at affordable loan, easy maintenance and great traveling convenience.
Yet, it’s not the best of best. Kangoo Vans have blind spots which seriously can land you in hot accidents if you have the slightest lapse of concentration while you drive.
And also, folks being folks tend to look down on you, while you drive a van. Irregardless of whether you are rich towkay, or big time businessman driving it, so long as you are seem driving it, you are deemed and judged delivery man…..
And more often than that, if people see you emerging from a van, the preferred choice of language that they will use to converse with you, is typically Hokkien. Dunnoe why also? But somehow, the word “Ah Beng Delivery Man” (uneducated Chinese delivery man) seems to get hot stamped onto the foreheads of Van Drivers
So when the gahment suddenly do a U-turn and flip over 180 degrees, and announced that the back metal panel of the van can be removed for installation of windows, you can seriously imagine my elation. Boy, the word Yahoo….. would seem so mild here.
It should be “Hallelujah”, the rhythm of 1000 jumps up and down.
Goodbye to the Van stigma and hurray to the cheap skate but passable imitation of a passenger car.
And so my heart struggled and struggled…. To do or not to do…… to still remain as a labeled “Ah Beng”, or to get new windows to make the Van looked like a passenger car?
Checked with Renault Service Center. They plotted a daylight robbery and quoted 700 SGD
for two panel change. And then they moved on to the butchery, and quoted 1400 SGD for 4 panel change.
Decided to check with my wife, “Would it be a good idea to convert the metal panels into windows?”
To that, my wife, made submissive by the Lord Jesus Christ, said,” Dear, as you wished. Because although it might introduce rust, attract car burglars, present risk of stones smashing your newly fixed windows, please go ahead, for Jesus said,’ Wives, submit to your husband.’”
“Aww….hey, that “really” seems so helpful.”
Tilting my head, as I awaited her reply, an overflowing beam of enthusiasm in her eyes betrayed her eagerness to try it out too…..
So on the 1st June 15, 2005….. Kangoo Van was given a decent burial with courtesy of my desire to morph her.
Radiating with self afflicted pride and joy, I gotten my own workers to do up the panels, and within 24 hours, I drove my newly appointed car….the KANGOO CAR out onto the streets….
Hallelujah to the Gahment, for adopting a sucking up approach to A-Mar-Ri-Ke’s FTA agreement, and its attached condition of market liberation. The spillover efforts of the FTA are tremendous.
Anyway, drove down to Shenton Way to pick up my wife….
Parked my NEW CAR, saw a friend…..
Tot of it as a chance to show off….. and bask in expected praise and awe from this friend……
Was about to open my mouth…..to him in English
Too Late…..
Friend spoke first………in Hokkien
“Wah lau, Ah ni gu bo kwa deo re…..si key doe lor?” (Man, been so long since I last saw you, where have you been?)
Wahkauz, once you drive a Van, you are forever a Delivery Man.
