I am a father!!
Yes, after 30 years of aimless wandering, I am a father.
For the first time in my life, I understood what its like to be a father.
And now I know and can feel the hardship that my father and mother went through to bring me up.
And this knowledge certainly makes one feel bad, feel bad about the times when we were in our teenage years. The years where we drifted away from our parents. Remember those days when you were 15 and travelling in the MRT along with your parents. Dun you feel like dying right on the spot or at least kill everyone else in the same carriage when your mother or father beckoned out in LOVE to you, and said, " Boy Boy, come over here to sit. There's an empty seat here. Dun stand there alone by yourself." The irony, you dun not even know back then, that was LOVE. Love was many many places behind the word embarrassment.... all you wanted to protect was your cool chic macho/independant/loner look.
How I lament those lost days!
In retrospect, I could have reciprocated my parent's care for me.
But Ego was the stronger force....
Now that I am a father, I really can feel it in my bone.
all the sacrifices my father and mother undertook for me.
and yet, i was so blind not to know these sacrifices while they were being undertook back then.
I had to become a father before I even knew what they were.
And so, knowing them now.
My Parents ( though flawed) are so noble.
Cant imagine how did they manage to bring me up.
All my character flaws, all my tantrums (yes I am a guy)
all my undesirable bad habits.
and all my 30 years of being a non-perfect son.
and I am starting this cycle with my son......
I cant wait for my son to come out..
yet i am afraid that he will be what i was when i was younger.
but still, I am eager for him to come out.
and in that eagerness, apprehension takes on a cousin role.
Will i be able to provide for him?
Will he love me?
Will we ever be together in MRT?
